I think I am different now too

Since moving to Norway my life has changed a lot.  My friends and family have said I’m different and not the same Jamie that they remember.  I’ve wondered about this lately.

This summer I arrived in one of my favorite places in the world.  It was a dance camp on the East Coast of America.  I didn’t run around and hug everybody.  I didn’t start talking to everyone I knew.  I didn’t immediately introduce myself to new people.  I remained upright (instead of upside down on my hands) and stayed close to my new husband, HB.  This was MY camp.   I knew far more people than he did but for some reason, I felt shy.  I observed, listened, held back.  After a while something felt strange to me too.  Why wasn’t I the same me I remembered at this camp?  Why has it been three days I there are still people I don’t know, people I haven’t talked to, laughter I haven’t had?

I’m no psychologist but it fascinates me.  I wasn’t far from minoring in it at University.  These past couple years, I’ve been taking time to reflect and research what has been happening to me.  There was a reason I wanted a library card as soon as I could here.

Before I arrived in Norway, I was a bubbly happy to see everyone huggy Minnesotan.  I loved meeting new people.  I was used to dancing nearly every night and hanging out with friends.  I loved getting together with my family on weekends when they were home.  I craved driving to work so I could crank up the tunes.

Fast forward to arriving in Norway.  People don’t smile back.  People don’t talk to you.  People don’t invite you.  People don’t dance as much.  Only some groups welcome you to dance.  People don’t hug.  I hardly drive and my car radio is broke.  This was my impression my first year.  I got used to walking down the street with a straight face.  I started introducing myself only with a long stretched arm hand shake, minimum one meter distance between our bodies.  I left with a wave instead of a hug.  I had one contact in my phone, HB.  After a while I had two contacts!  HB and HB’s work!   I wanted to build up my contacts so I also added my work number.  There, three!  But it was still depressing.  The language I heard was usually foreign.  Not always Norwegian either.  I didn’t understand so I stopped listening.  I got used to sitting back and observing.  I did a lot of sitting alone, hands in my lap, observing.  I was not used to this but it became a new way of life.  Parts of this new life have trickled into my old life.  When I go back home or to places I love, I spend more time observing.  I sometimes forget that the culture is different and where I am.  I am now used to observing, limited hugs, and rarely going to lunch or tea with friends.  I am used to being alone often.  HB works during the day, and me at night.  I hug weird too, like, is this a real hug, stretched arm hug, embrace hug, or cheek kiss where I accidentally hug you and your cheek kiss lands on the back of my neck?  Or my hair?  Ew gross.  Not the kiss, but the hair kiss.  Not that my hair is gross, I do wash it.  Well, after a workout it’s kind of gross.  Anyway.

Point is, I am different now.  I have been in a different place and culture.  I have changed to fit in.  I was in survival mode mentally.  What was also interesting that I hadn’t expected, was that my English has started to change.  Bah!  What?!?!   Most of the English I speak is with a Brit.  Many of the people I dance with are also British.  I am unconsciously picking up British English.  While trying to learn Norwegian, I have been imitating everything Norwegians say.  That has transferred over to imitating anything anyone says!  Quite a few people pointed out that my speech has changed.  It is only a few words and phrases for the moment.  HB says though, that once I start talking with Americans, I get my accent back.  This reminds me of that one episode on Friends where Monica and Phoebe’s friend lived in Britain for a while and came back with what they said was a fake British accent.  I remember thinking, “how can that happen?!”  Now I see.  Especially when you are learning a foreign language.

Now let’s bring this whole story up to date.  Yes, I have changed.  Yes, I am now aware.  I want to be old me a little more.  I do like new me though.  I have learned so much being new me and listening.  New me helps me see the world better, but old me had more friends.  I know my thoughts, I want to hear others thoughts.

At this more grown up time in my life, I need friends.  Back home my peers used to discuss all those becoming a grown up problems.  Friends of mine who had been through the grown up problems discussed the next set of problems.  They didn’t apply to me at the time but maybe I should have paid more attention.  Although, the issues of home buying, cars, taxes, retirement, healthcare, insurance, children… it’s  all different here.  I need peers here too.

Even social issues and politics are different.  I can’t believe how much my views have changed.  I see the USA much better being out of it.  I am not flooded with the local news but with the international news.  I read papers from all over the USA and the world.  I see how a decision in one state can change the world.  My vote mattered.  I am also saddened to see how little world news is covered in the USA.  Yes, maybe I have too much free time, but I compare news papers and news websites from around the globe (mostly picking up what I can in airports).  Big U.S. news stories reach Norway and people discuss them.  What are some of the big news stories of Europe?   These stories are changing the world and we could learn from each other.  (Ok, had a moment.  I could go on but not now.)
These past few months, I have been trying to jump into anything anyone will invite me to.  I want friends and I want to be a friend.  I actually miss being a friend.  I want to be there for someone, bake them goodies, offer advice, a listening ear, or a bottle of wine. (That also seems to be a thing here too.  Offering help equals you don’t think they are capable of doing it themselves.  Norwegian readers, correct me if I’m wrong.  I know you CAN do it, but why would you if someone else wants to do it for you?)  I miss thinking about other people.  I miss giving.

The cool thing about being here, is that Norwegians are not actually as cold as they seem.  If you are on the streets and lost, they will help.  Norwegians keep to themselves until you need them.  If I was being mugged, I have no doubt someone would come help me.  If I was going to fall and become hurt, this would be the best place for people to stop and help.  I have seen it over and over again.  The Norwegian heart is big and kind.  Building friendships is hard but once you are in, you’re in for life.  I just need more time.  I will build the friendships back up and become me again.

HB has been an incredible support.  Had I not had him, I don’t know what I would have done.  We don’t see each other often with our work schedules, but when we do, he is a great listener and hugger.  He knew one couple before we arrived in Olso.  Not sure what HB and I would have done with out their help.  Of course, we can’t rely on them for everything, plus, we want to be givers and helpers too!  I am also learning that my coworkers are awesome.  I just need to get to know them better.

Remember, October 16th is International Hug An Immigrant Day!  I am an immigrant.  We are hard working cool people who try to learn a new way of life but it is hard and takes time.  Please show your support.  Find your local immigrants and give them hope.  If you had experienced what I had, you might change too.  I bet many immigrants have.

All my love…